‘I stand on the edge of a new discovery, barely able to stand the excitement. I spent five years in a state of discontentment and a false hope that I was owed something; that my life couldn’t be fully what it was meant to be unless I was freed from my illness. A rather naive notion, if I’m honest with myself.
Now here, on the cusp of a new adventure, I’ve realized that all along, it wasn’t the absence of my disease that I longed for, but the presence of hope amidst it. Finally finding closure in a hand of cards I never asked to be dealt. That was more freeing than a magic snap of the fingers. Escape was no longer my agenda. Every second spent looking for a way out, could now be used looking at all the ways my life has become beautiful.
After all, who among us here is completely void of their inner demons? The world around us has been filled with chaos and hardship. That is a fact we cannot change at this hour. Waiting for it to disappear until we feel freedom and joy and hope, is as powerless as it gets. Waiting for a scenario we feel is owed us before making a difference for ourselves and others. For amidst the chaos, we are surrounded with beauty. It takes an effort to see it sometimes and others may need help finding it once we have.
This is the place I have found my heart, and never has it been happier; more content. I will no longer spend energy on an outcome I have yet to see. Not because it is unlikely, or I don’t believe in it. Rather, I have much to learn, a world of other hearts needing to feel hope again, and a heart full of love I need to be alive enough to give. The time for feeling defeated about my sorry hand of cards is over. After all, the cards I’ve been dealt are a winning hand waiting to be revealed during the right game.’